Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Heartbreaker 101

Heartbreaker 101: How to Heal and Move On After Breaking Someone's Heart
By Lisa Steadman, The Relationship Journalist


Given the choice, most people say they would much rather break up with someone than get broken up with. But if you've recently initiated a breakup, you know how tough it can be.
Just because you summoned the courage to end your dead-end relationship doesn't mean you're not feeling a little heartache yourself (or experiencing some guilt for causing your ex heartache). But fear not, my brave friend. You are not alone. Following are some do's and don'ts that should make moving on that much easier.


Don't: Call, email, text or visit your ex in a moment of weakness
Even though you brought on the breakup, there may still be times when you miss your ex. A song might come on the radio that reminds you of them. Something funny will happen and you'll want to share it. Or maybe you're just having a bad day and want to reach out and reconnect.
STOP RIGHT THERE. Missing your ex is one thing. Contacting your ex is a no-no. In fact, reconnecting with your ex is the absolute worst thing you can do right now. So before you have that moment of weakness, remove your ex's number from your cell phone, delete their email address, and take them off your social networking contacts. (Right now.)

Do: Ask friends for help
Because you initiated the breakup, your friends may not know that you're hurting. But if you are, it's important to ask for help, a.k.a. recruit your boo hoo crew... You'll want to choose a least three friends who know you well enough to know when you need comfort versus when you need a kick in the pants.

Your Boo-Hoo Crew should always know (and be able to remind you) why your ex wasn't good for you then, and why they're definitely not worth pining over now.

Don't: Second-guess your decision
After a breakup, it's all too easy to second-guess yourself and your choices. Did I do the right thing? Should I have given him/her another chance? Maybe there was more I could do to make it work... The truth is, you can make yourself crazy second-guessing your decision. But what's done is done. You had your reasons, made your decision, and now it's time to accept and move on.

Do: See your breakup for what it really is
You may not know it right now, but in ending your relationship with the wrong person, you're paving the way to meet the right one. Chances are good that you won't meet Mr. or Ms. Right overnight, but that doesn't mean the breakup was a bad decision.

By walking away from that wrong relationship, you're headed towards a life that's more honest and authentic for you. What better way to eventually attract your perfect partner than by living and loving your own life?

Don't: Badmouth your ex
In the aftermath of a breakup it's all too easy to badmouth your ex, spilling their dirty little secrets to anyone who will listen. Don't do it. Badmouthing your ex may feel good momentarily, but the fallout from those harmless snarky comments can be detrimental to your healing process, not to mention your dating future. Breakup karma is a bitch you don't want coming after you, so zip the lip and move on with dignity.

Do: Become a breakup rock star
And speaking of moving on, did you know that you can not only survive your breakup but actually thrive? By applying the lessons you learned from your last relationship, and refining what you want out of life and eventually from your perfect partner, you have the chance to reclaim yourself and become the ultimate breakup rock star. So go ahead, rock on!


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